A 6-8 week face-to-face programme for 17-25 year olds struggling with their mental health.

What does it mean to feel angry?

Feeling angry is normal and is something that we will all experience. It could be that you’re angry at someone, angry at school or even angry at the bed post you stubbed your toe on! What is important to know, is that we can control this emotion.

Anger is one of our basic emotions and it is useful for survival, we need to feel angry to be able to respond to situations. You might have heard of the ‘Fight or Flight’ response in science? When we say fight, this does not mean that it is okay to have a punch up with your old best friend. Instead, it means that we can use our anger to change laws, argue against injustice and show others that we disagree. So, our anger can be useful to us.

Here is a useful video to explain anger and ideas on how to manage it

Along with recognising anger as part of life, we should also see that there are different types of anger that we might feel or show. Click on one of the links below to learn more about these:

Passive

Karolina is upset with her friend James because he started speaking to a new friend without her. She has stopped replying as she normally would to his messages and when he asks ‘Are you okay?’ she always responds and says ‘I’m fine’ when it is quite clear that she is not fine.

What happens next?

Karolina loses James as a friend altogether because she did not want to explain what had happened to make her upset. She now feels more angry.

Open

Jordan is upset with his dad because he wants him to start having a tutor to allow him to take triple science in his options. He has become so mad that he has been throwing things around and is now shouting at his dad about this situation. Dad is surprised and tries to remain calm.

What happens next?

Jordan now feels more angry as he reflects on the state of his room and the risk that he has upset his dad by shouting at him.

Assertive

Helen has recently been feeling confused about gender identity and is angry that her parents do not understand when it is first discussed. Helen would like to consider a name change to something more gender neutral and has approached this with the family, the response increased the anger felt. Helen has asked to sit with both parents and discuss this, the aim is to explain the feelings experienced and how their lack of understanding has made her feel angry.

What happens next?

Helen’s parents are now more open to discussion and have agreed to do some more reading on the topic area, Helen has given some support avenues for them and as a family they feel closer and more able to deal with this change in their dynamic.

What can I do when I feel angry?

• Talk about it – When you are angry the worst option is to ‘bottle it up’. Imagine yourself like a bottle of fizzy drink, internalising the anger is like giving it a shake every time. Eventually, the fizz takes over and explodes. Our mind works in the same way, if we cannot release the thoughts then they just keep building.
• Write about it – The same as above, but this is more personal. If you are angry but unsure how to talk about it with someone else, write it down first. You might decide that this is enough to make you feel calmer, or you might realise that now it is out there that it is easier to talk to someone else about it.
• Count! – When we are feeling most angry, the best thing to do is count. Try counting to ten and taking a deep breath in between each number. If you get to 10 and still feel angry, then count higher! We all deal differently, and 10 might work for you but your friend needs 50, both is totally fine and a way of learning to understand ourselves better.
• Get active – A great method of releasing anger is to sweat it out! Try a YouTube workout or go for a quick run/walk around the block. If you have had an argument with someone the best method to deal with it is to walk away. The physical motion will help your mind to process the anger and to form a better solution that shouting.
• Try to rationalise – When we get angry we also get irrational. What started as ‘I am upset about having to tidy my room’ soon becomes, ‘my parents are the worst humans on earth’. Which, on reflection, we know is absolutely not true. So, when you feel the anger bubbling, take a moment to rationalise and ask yourself ‘Why’, why are you being asked to do the tidying?

Who might be able to help?

Despite trying hard to do things yourself, we always need more help sometimes, remember that this is okay, that it is normal, and it is brave to admit as such. See below for some useful links to further support:

• Kooth offers confidential online support for young people aged 11 to 18.
• Teens Health has some great tips on understanding why you get angry, how to manage it and gives a 5 step approach to tackling it
• Young Minds’ pages on anger and how to manage it
• Your Life Counts A useful website that goes through the types of aggression and has online chat functions for your to talk that through with someone

What does it mean to feel anxious?

Anxiety is defined as a feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease about how things are going. It might manifest itself in not being able to sleep, feeling agitated, feeling sick or like there are butterflies having a party in your stomach.

We might feel anxious for a number of reasons, for example, when our plans get changed last minute, we lose someone we love, we feel pressure from school or work, or worrying about friends/family.

Here is a video that summarises what having anxiety might feel like

What can I do when I feel this way?

Anxiety can be helped by a number of things, we will list them below for you to look through, some of them are easy to build into the everyday and some are little more challenging.

• Breathe – Seems like an obvious choice we know, but count to 10 and take a deep breath in between. You should be able to feel your whole body rise… and fall… as you breathe.
• Take time out – Stop whatever you’re doing and change activity. Do something you enjoy, like reading or watching TV. This allows our body to calm down and regulate itself.
• Eat well-balanced meals – Some foods and drinks high in caffeine can make us feel more anxious and so we should try to avoid them when we can. We probably don’t need to tell you that water, fruit and veggies are a good idea too…
• Sleep well – We love sleep! Sometimes, sleep does not love us though. We must try and finds ways to improve sleep. Such as, avoid using your phone before bed as the light from your phone tricks your brain into thinking it is still daytime. Or, try an an app like ‘Calm’, which includes sleep stories (not just for babies!) and meditation techniques to help induce sleepiness.
• Tidy – Tidying your room might sound like the worst idea right now, however, it can help you feel in control of something. The act of tidying the space your in can also act as a clean up for the mind.
• Talk to a friend – Keeping things bottled up never helps. Why not speak to a trusted friend about how you are feeling and this might give you more confidence to speak to a trusted adult.

Who might be able to help?

Despite trying hard to do things yourself, we always need more help sometimes, remember that this is okay, that it is normal, and it is brave to admit as such. See below for some useful links to further support:

• Speak to your GP, visit nhs.uk or phone 02033176670 to find out about free confidential support
• Kooth offers confidential online support for young people aged 11 to 18 at Kooth.com
• Anna Freud is also a great website, just head to the tab labelled ‘Young People’ for more guidance
• Togetherall is a community of members who talk openly about their worries, helping each other by sharing what’s troubling them in a safe and anonymous environment with trained guides.
• Whatever you’re going through Samaritans are there to listen – phone 116 123
• If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, phone the 24-hour crisis line on 020 3317 6333
• The Vibe – Peer Support Group this is a space to meet with other like-minded individuals about the challenges you currently face. Sessions are free and weekly, just email Alex (Alexandra.perry@lbbd.gov.uk) or Grace: (grace.kihu@lbbd.gov.uk) who can offer further guidance and direct you to more support
• Young minds is a fantastic website full of useful information on a range of issues

What does it mean to feel confused about sexuality & gender?

Confusion can come at any time, but during secondary school your body and mind go through so much change that we can struggle to keep up. This might manifest itself in feeling unable to think clearly about your day-to-day activities, feeling things are out of order in your life or finding you are changing without your say so.

As teens you might feel confused about your sexuality and gender as your body experiences a sudden influx of new hormones. This is a normal feeling and one that we should commit some time to.

Here is a great video that summarises the Pride movement and how it has changed how the world views LGBTQ+

What can I do when I feel this way?

• Write about it – Your teenage years are the perfect time to write a diary, sometimes we have thoughts that we simply would not like to share with anyone else, like, ever! But, our diary is ours, keep it safe and write to it as often as you like. It will help you to hash out those thoughts on paper which in turn makes talking to another human about it easier.
• Talk about it – You’re in the fortunate position at JRCS to be surrounded by 300 other individuals your age going through similar things. It is a good idea to share your thoughts with them because, chances are, they’re feeling the same way. You could talk to someone at home or to us, JRCS staff, we were teens once too!
• Research it – It is easy to sit and worry about a change that has happened that has made us confused, but the world wide web is at your fingertips! So, Google it. You might find out some useful things that you can support your friends with too.
• Educate Yourself – One of the easiest things to do when confused is hide away and hope that the feelings work themselves out before we really need to get involved. Instead, educating yourself can bring clarity and help you to stop feeling out of sorts. For example, check this glossary of terms relating to sex/gender identity, there is so much to learn!

• Ally – A (typically) straight person who supports a member of the LGBT community.
• Bi – An umbrella term for those who have romantic feelings to more than one gender.
• Cisgender – This is someone who identifies with the same gender that they were assigned at birth.
• Gay – Refers to a man who has a sexual orientation towards men, but also a generic term for lesbian/gay sexuality.
• Gender – Gender is culturally determined and assumed from the sex assigned at birth. This is a choice to make. You may choose to identify as a different gender to that you were assigned at birth.
• Gender reassignment – This refers to a person’s transition from one gender to another, this might include medical interventions or name and clothing changes.
• Heterosexual – A straight person, a man who is attracted to women and vice versa.
• Homosexual – Someone who has romantic feelings towards someone of the same gender.
• Homophobia – Fear or dislike of someone based on prejudice views on lesbian, gay or bi people.
• Intersex – An individual who has the biological attributes of both sexes.
• Lesbian – A woman who has romantic feelings towards women.
• Non-binary – A term for those whose gender identity does not sit with either man or woman.
• Questioning – Someone in the process of working out their gender identity.
• Sex – Assigned to a person based on genitalia, different to gender which can be chosen.
• Trans – Explains those whose gender is not the same as the sex they were assigned with at birth.

Who might be able to help?

Despite trying hard to do things yourself, we always need more help sometimes, remember that this is okay, that it is normal, and it is brave to admit as such. See below for some useful links to further support:

• Kooth offers confidential online support for young people aged 11 to 18
• Flipside is a charity providing a safe space for everyone, including those who currently questioning their gender or sexuality. You can email Alex (Alexandra.perry@lbbd.gov.uk) or Grace: (grace.kihu@lbbd.gov.uk) who can offer further guidance and direct you to more support
• Stonewall has a fantastic website full of advice and information to read through
• The LGBT Foundation – For advice and support on all maters LGBTQ+, call 0345 330 30 30 or go to their website
• Togetherall is a community of members who talk openly about their worries, helping each other by sharing what’s troubling them in a safe and anonymous environment with trained guides
• Young minds is a fantastic website full of useful information on a range of issues

Sadness is a very normal part of living, sometimes we will not feel sad at all and sometimes we can feel very sad. This could be caused by losing someone we love, not doing well in something or by making a mistake.

At times it can feel like that sadness consumes you, makes you feel like there is little hope or that things will not ever feel better. All of this is not true, you are always in control of your emotions and can try different ways to overcome those feelings. As the saying goes, we must have a little rain to see a rainbow!

This video explains these feelings very well

What can I do when I feel this way?

• Exercise – Sadness is fought best in the open air and with an increased heart rate. Exercise releases endorphins into our brain that fights of the negative thoughts in there. Try going for a walk, doing a workout from YouTube or walking up and down the stairs a few times. It doesn’t matter if you feel silly, in fact, that’s even better!
• Eat well-balanced meals – Some foods and drinks high in sugar can make us feel fantastic for a short amount of time, the problem is as soon as the sugar rush ends, we can crash and feel worse. Avoid too much chocolate, fizzy drinks or sweets. We probably don’t need to tell you that water, fruit and veggies are a good idea too…
• Write about it – There is a lot of value in just getting the thoughts that are negative out of our mind and onto paper. We call this our negative inner thoughts, lets make them outer thoughts and find ways to make them more positive! For example, ‘Can’t do this exam’ on paper, why not cross out the ‘can’t’ and replace with ‘I can’.
• Distract yourself – Once you’re in the rabbit hole of negative thought, climbing back out can be tough. Simply changing your environment can do wonders! Why not go to the kitchen and make a drink, colour in a picture, read something nice or try a puzzle!
• Tell a trusted friend/adult – Our loved ones are always on hand to help so tell someone if you are feeling low as they can help you to feel happier by making you laugh or findings some extra support. Never face the feeling alone.
• Avoid social media – Whilst we all love a good Instagram scroll session or to get lost in Tik Tok videos, sometimes we can lose our thoughts in seeing everyone else’s happiness and forget to see our own. Take a break from it, plan some social media free time, the nature of social media means it is not going anywhere and will wait for you to be ready for it.

Who might be able to help?

Despite trying hard to do things yourself, we always need more help sometimes, remember that this is okay, that it is normal, and it is brave to admit as such. See below for some useful links to further support:

• Speak to your GP, visit nhs.uk or phone 02033176670 to find out about free confidential support
• Kooth offers confidential online support for young people aged 11 to 18
• Anna Freud is also a great website, just head to the tab labelled ‘Young People’ for more guidance
• Togetherall is a community of members who talk openly about their worries, helping each other by sharing what’s troubling them in a safe and anonymous environment with trained guides.
• Whatever you’re going through Samaritans are there to listen – phone 116 123
• If you or someone you know is experiencing a mental health crisis, phone the 24-hour crisis line on 020 3317 6333
• The Vibe – Peer Support Group this is a space to meet with other like-minded individuals about the challenges you currently face. Sessions are free and weekly, just email Alex (Alexandra.perry@lbbd.gov.uk) or Grace: (grace.kihu@lbbd.gov.uk) who can offer further guidance and direct you to more support
• Young minds is a fantastic website full of useful information on a range of issues

What does it mean to have a normal relationship?

Relationships are tricky, especially in our teen years. As teens you are all in the same boat, new to relationships, keen to be in one but nervous. Often, the only relationships we know are those between our parents and carers at home, or perhaps amongst older siblings. The relationships we see as we grow up are the types we expect to have ourselves, this is called our Internal Working Model.

When in a relationship we can get carried away with the idea of being in a relationship that we forget to check whether or not we are happy. We need to remember to  check in with ourselves and our partner to check that we are happy in the relationship, below are some examples of healthy and unhealthy relationship goals to help with this checking process:

A healthy relationship includes (The video above summarises things too):

• Positive communication – You feel able to talk about your problems and trust that your partner will listen and respect your feelings and opinions. This includes when you feel there is an issue in the relationship you would like to resolve.
• Trust – Both partners trust what the other says and neither feels the need to ask their partner to ‘prove’ their trustworthiness.
• Respect – Partners should value one another’s needs, feelings and opinions. We should feel loved for who we are and not that we need to change to please one another.
• Honesty – Whilst some things might remain private you should be as open as possible with your partner, your honesty is what fosters a loving relationship. We feel closer to those we share our thoughts/feelings/memories with.
• Equality – Both partners should always be equal. Decisions should be made together and both partners should be able to do the things they love.
• Consent – If your relationship reaches a stage that includes sexual activity it is important to feel safe talking to your partner about this. No always mean no, it is important to listen carefully in these discussions to ensure that everyone feels safe. This video is a great way to explain consent – Cup of Tea Consent.

An unhealthy relationship includes:

• A lack of communication – When you come up to an issue in the relationship or just in your lives, something you disagree on perhaps. It is unhealthy to automatically argue about it or feel that you cannot discuss it with them at all.
• Disrespect – If you’re behaving unkindly to one another, perhaps making fun of each other, not calling each other back until you feel like it or talking to other potential partners. This is a disrespectful relationship.
• A lack of trust – If you don’t feel that you could comfortably tell your partner something or feel that you don’t trust what they say, this is unhealthy.
• Dishonesty – If you lie, fail to include all the facts or obscure the truth a little. For example, not telling your partner something that impacts on your relationship.
• Excessive control – Either partner tries to suggest that their own desires are more important than the others. This leads to one partner taking a more controlling role in the relationship, this might be simply always doing what partner A wants and partner B never gets the chance to express their desires.
• Restrictive contact – If you or your partner are restricting one another’s contact with other people. This could be in person and online. For example, telling someone that they can’t go to a party with their friends or that they need to remove certain people on social media.
• Pressured into doing things – This could be any day-to-day activity or sexual activity. One partner may add pressure to a situation to coerce their partner into a sexual act when they are not ready (see consent above for more help)

What can I do when I feel uncertain?

• Talk about it – Talking about your relationship is a normal part of life. We all do it, we can’t help but tell our closest friends about our significant others. The act of talking about the relationship will help you to do the checking process above. If you feel that you don’t want to tell people about your relationship, perhaps there is a reason for this.
• Write about it – Writing always helps. By writing our thoughts down it can help us to understand them better. Try writing out the emotions you feel or scenarios you have experienced and then you can reflect on them alone or with someone else to work out whether they show a healthy or unhealthy relationship.
• Ask to sit with your partner to discuss things – As we get older the importance of communication grows, if you are unhappy with your partner then it is best to get that all out in the open so tell them! If you can discuss it and move forwards together then that is perfect.

Who might be able to help?

Despite trying hard to do things yourself, we always need more help sometimes, remember that this is okay, that it is normal, and it is brave to admit as such. See below for some useful links to further support:

• Kooth offers confidential online support for young people aged 11 to 18 at Kooth.com
• Relate The relationship people have some quick guides on getting together with someone, breaking up and some common problems you might experience.
• BBC Bitesize has summarise a really useful wealth of information on healthy relationships.

What does it mean lose someone that you love?

Nobody is invincible. Losing someone that you love can feel like losing a part of yourself, it can become like a hole that you can never imagine filling. We all manage grief in a different way, some of us cry, some of us are angry and some of us are not quite sure what to feel. Whatever you’re feeling is normal and is all a part of the process of grieving.

Grief is defined as intense sorrow as a result of someone’s death, but don’t forget that we grieve for our pets too in very much the same way. It is okay to be really upset and it is okay to not feel upset at all, the emotions attached to losing someone can strike at any time. You might see an advert that reminds you of them, or mistakenly pick up the phone to call them and this might make you upset. This might be on the day you lose them or months later, we can’t predict how our mind will tackle the challenges of losing a loved one.

This video is a lovely representation of what grief would look like if it were a physical thing for us to see:

Below are some of the emotions and feelings you might experience, but it is important to remember that there is no right or wrong way to feel.

• Sadness – When we realise that we have lost someone completely we can feel the need to isolate ourselves to spend time remembering our loved one. Reflecting on happy memories can actually make us feel sad, but that’s okay.
• Numbness/denial – Our brains are quite clever and can recognise when something has gone wrong, losing someone definitely feels wrong and so to protect us, the brain springs to action. Our brain can tell us that this is not real, it gives us time to accept the truth and deal with it when our mind is ready to process it.
• Panic/confusion – Remember the hole left that we mentioned earlier, this is where panic can come in. Panicking about filling the hole left, perhaps there was something you used to rely on that person for? If so, it can be scary and confusing to imagine having to do that thing without them, of course, once we have had time to grieve we can adapt and use the knowledge we gained from our loved one.
• Anger – Losing someone feels really unfair, whether they have been poorly for a long time or if the loss was sudden, we always feel there was more we could have done or said. Sometimes we feel frustrated, especially when there doesn’t seem a clear cause to blame. These feelings are normal and are helpful to move through the stages of grief.
• Overwhelmed – As we said, grief is different for everyone. It can keep popping up unexpectedly over a long period of time or it can hit you like a ton of bricks all at once. This is when things get overwhelming and you can feel like you don’t know how you’ll live with these feelings, just know that they will settle over time.
• Relief – This might feel like a feeling you should not have, but it is actually very normal. When we lose someone it might be because they’ve been unwell for a long time and have been experiencing suffering. If you are close to that individual, it can feel relieving to know that they are free of the burden of their illness.
• Mixed feelings – When the relationship we had with the individual is challenging then the emotions we feel when we lose them can be challenging too. It might be  mixture of sadness, anger, guilt and any other possible emotion.

What can I do when I feel this way?

• Talk about it – Talking about your loved one is the best course of action, encourage those around you to share their happy stories and fond memories. It is also useful to speak to someone who might not know the person, sometimes being surrounded by grief can bring those feelings of being overwhelmed. Telling someone outside of the immediate circle can help you to share the burden of the loss with someone else.
• Photo books – When we are grieving we can forget to appreciate the things we still have from or of the person we loved. Photos are a magical thing, why not gather as many photos as you can to make a photo book. It could be something you then ask people to write memories in too and then whenever you’re feeling like you’re forgetting your loved one, this book will be all you need to remember.
• Write about it – Writing can help you to express what you feel, write to a diary or just on a random bit of paper. You could write about them or write to them, writing someone a letter can help us release all of those thoughts and feelings we wish we had said. Write it down and encourage others to do the same, you could even buy some biodegradable balloons and fill them with helium to release those thoughts into the sky.
• Start a thankful tree – As well as the option to write something and send it to the sky, we could also encourage those around us to share what we a thankful to our loved one for. For example, ‘I am thankful that you taught me how to tie my shoe laces’. The thanks can be small or big, either way it will allow you to be surrounded by others and talk fondly of your loved one.

Who might be able to help?

Despite trying hard to do things yourself, we always need more help sometimes, remember that this is okay, that it is normal, and it is brave to admit as such. See below for some useful links to further support:

• Kooth offers confidential online support for young people aged 11 to 18 at Kooth.com
• NHS the NHS website offers some great tips and links for dealing with bereavement in your teens.
• Young minds is a fantastic website full of useful information on a range of issues, these pages specify in grief in your teen years.
• Mind – A website focussed on ensuring positive mental health, specifically their section on managing bereavement.
• Barnardo’s have 7 helpful tips to manage your feelings when experiencing a bereavement.
• The Good Grief Trust have lots of useful links and guidance for you to explore.

What does it mean to feel unsure about your eating habits?

As we grow up our bodies change, some things we like and some things we do not. Importantly, it is all normal and natural to change. When our bodies change, we can sometimes think that it is related to what we eat, and this can make us anxious about the foods we eat or cause us to eat more foods to try and look stronger.

It is crucial to remember that it is very easy to fall out with food. Sometimes we might have eaten something our body did not like and therefore, we now hate that food. Oppositely, when we feel sad we might want more comfort foods, such as chocolate, to make ourselves feel better. So, instead of letting associations control us, we should always aim to maintain a balanced and healthy lifestyle by incorporating good food, exercise and drinking plenty of water.

See this video on maintaining a balanced diet

What can I do when I feel this way?

• Talk about it – If you are worried about what you eat or how you feel about food, then walk to someone. A friend, school staff or family member, it is highly likely that they have gone through the exact same thing.
• Ask to be a part of the shopping list – It can be really helpful to feel involved in what you eat, plus your family will appreciate the help, so why not plan the shopping and go along? This way you can research healthy meals, help to cook them and get to go and choose the best ingredients. For example, plan a fruit salad for a desert and go and pick the best fruit!
• Write about it – Writing can help you to express what you feel and then you can use the courage built from that to talk to someone else about it. A problem shared is always a problem halved.
• Avoid social media – When feeling odd about what we eat or how we look the worst idea is to go online and compare ourselves to others. At a time like this, it is a good chance for a social media break!

Who might be able to help?

Despite trying hard to do things yourself, we always need more help sometimes, remember that this is okay, that it is normal, and it is brave to admit as such. See below for some useful links to further support:

• Kooth offers confidential online support for young people aged 11 to 18 at Kooth.com
• Beat a helpline to discuss your issues with food, call 0808 801 0711, head to their website to chat with someone 1:1 online or email them on studentline@beateatingdisorders.org.uk .
• Young minds is a fantastic website full of useful information on a range of issues
• Togetherall is a community of members who talk openly about their worries, helping each other by sharing what is troubling them in a safe and anonymous environment with trained guides