Parent Wellbeing

Supporting a child with eating disorders

If your child is experiencing problems with their diet or the way that they look and you are concerned then the links below are the right way to go, plus, always keep the year team informed of your concerns so we can support in school.

Eating seems like such a simple thing and is part of everyday living, it is necessary for survival. However, if the relationship between what we eat and how we feel become confused it can be challenging to break cycles. As a parent supporting someone who is struggling with their eating habits it is important to remain supportive and positive. Avoid blaming yourself and ensure your child does not feel blame either. Importantly, educate yourself, the more you understand the more helpful you can be to your child, the websites above can help.

Who should you turn to for more help?

• Your GP – The person best placed to help and guide you to support is your GP. Book an appointment and encourage your child to speak about their current experience, if this is too much, suggest that they write everything down to allow you to open the conversation for them.
• Beat is a fantastic website that includes helplines, advice, and tips for supporting someone with an eating problem. Helpline: 0808 801 0677, Email: help@beateatingdisorders.org.uk
• NHS website has a wealth of information and guidance on types of eating disorder. This is a particularly useful page on how you can help

Supporting a child with gender or sexuality questions

We know that as our young people get older, they are more open to exploring their sexuality and gender. As a parent this can be difficult to understand when we have not experienced such conflicting feelings. Young people like to talk, even when it does not seem as such, so talking to them about this is a great idea. Knowing that they can be open and honest with you is a fantastic place to start.

Your first place to start should be about knowing the terminology surrounding gender and sexuality  see here for a quick glossary of some of the most common terms (not all of them though) taken from Stonewall.

• Ally – A (typically) straight person who supports a member of the LGBT community.
• Bi – An umbrella term for those who have romantic feelings to more than one gender.
• Cisgender – This is someone who identifies with the same gender that they were assigned at birth.
• Gay – Refers to a man who has a sexual orientation towards men, but also a generic term for lesbian/gay sexuality.
• Gender – Gender is culturally determined and assumed from the sex assigned at birth. This is a choice to make. You may choose to identify as a different gender to that you were assigned at birth.
• Gender reassignment – This refers to a person’s transition from one gender to another, this might include medical interventions or name and clothing changes.
• Heterosexual – A straight person, a man who is attracted to women and vice versa.
• Homosexual – Someone who has romantic feelings towards someone of the same gender.
• Homophobia – Fear or dislike of someone based on prejudice views on lesbian, gay or bi people.
• Intersex – An individual who has the biological attributes of both sexes.
• Lesbian – A woman who has romantic feelings towards women.
• Non-binary – A term for those whose gender identity does not sit with either man or woman.
• Questioning – Someone in the process of working out their gender identity.
• Sex – Assigned to a person based on genitalia, different to gender which can be chosen.
• Trans – Explains those whose gender is not the same as the sex they were assigned with at birth.

Who should you turn to for more help?

• Stonewall has a fantastic website full of advice and information to read through
• The Proud Trust is also a great site full of useful links and information for you on how to support your child
• Family Lives have some great pages on a range of issues but do cover this topic specifically

Supporting a child with depression

As part of the growing up process the teenage brain is constantly active, it can affect sleep, mood and ability to cope with everyday life. Most of the time, spending some quality time together reflecting on whatever your child believes is causing them sadness is more than enough to ward off the effects. Sometimes that is not enough, and they might need a little more support.

If we imagine the brain as a tree, during teenage years the tree is being pruned constantly, we are chopping away at bits we do not need and strengthening those we do. Alongside this, the body is experiencing a large influx of hormones that have never been experienced before. This combination can lead to the young person feeling quite lost in a world they thought they knew. What we know though, is that they can come through it either with a little help or a lot of help!

Who should you turn to for more help?

• Family Lives have some great pages on a range of issues
• Young Minds is a fantastic website and helpline with a section designed just for parents
• NHS provide an extensive list of a variety of places to get specific and general mental health support
• Mental Health Org have some great tips for dealing with the everyday and with the more challenging times
• Place2Be is another fantastic and friendly service with a wealth of guidance for you and your child

Supporting a child with anxiety

During the teenage years of secondary school students are now being asked to make big life decisions, such as their year 9 options for GCSE, which 6th form to attend and simply, deciphering who they are. This can bring with it feelings of anxiety, when things are uncertain or when the certainty needs to come from their decisions our teenagers can feel worried about whether their decisions are the right ones.

If we imagine the brain as a tree, during teenage years the tree is being pruned constantly, we are chopping away at bits we do not need and strengthening those we do. On the outside, there is nothing to see but on the inside teenagers are left feeling lost. This is what can cause anxiety. It is how they then manage their emotions and concerns, with your help and ours, that can determine how they walk away from the situation. If you are starting to think that their anxiety is preventing them from doing the things they would have usually done then it is time for some more support.

Who should you turn to for more help?

• Family Lives have some great pages on a range of issues
• Young Minds is a fantastic website and helpline with a section designed just for parents
• NHS provide an extensive list of a variety of places to get specific and general mental health support
• Mental Health Org have some great tips for dealing with the everyday and with the more challenging times
• Place2Be is another fantastic and friendly service with a wealth of guidance for you and your child

Supporting a child through a bereavement

When you lose someone you love in the family it can be really challenging to balance dealing with your own emotions and dealing with those of your family around you. As a parent, one of the greatest challenges when dealing with bereavement is knowing how to talk to your teen when you are struggling yourself. It is easy to assume that because they’re quiet, sullen or sad that they are just processing in their own way. Yet, we know they have less emotional development than we do, so of course, it is a minefield in their mind knowing how to respond.

Losing a loved one is painful, confusing and can make us feel really mad or really sad. There are so many feelings that you and your teens might experience when you have lost a loved one, all of them are natural and difficult to ignore. Here are a few that you might be familiar with:

Sadness – Denial – Panic – Confusion – Anger – Overwhelmed – Relief – Shock

The most important thing you can do, no matter the emotion, is to talk to your teen. Showing that you are experiencing a range of emotions too is a useful way to lead into a conversation, by showing that you’re feeling something too they will feel encouraged to share too. If talking out loud feels too challenging then another option is to encourage your teen to write down their feelings, these might before you to read, or for you to pop into a eco-friendly balloon and send to the sky. Either way, getting those feelings out of their mind is the best way forwards. For more useful ways to deal with bereavement with your teen you can visit the ‘student’ wellbeing area.

Who should you turn to for more help?

• Young Minds has some really useful tips for supporting a young person in their bereavement
• Winston’s Wish has a range of resources and reading suggestions to help young people to succeed
• Sue Ryder is a charity with pages pf useful and practical tips on managing the bereavement process
• Cruse includes some reading for you to get through on how you can manage your own emotions in order to support your child

Supporting a child with anger issues

Despite our best efforts to remain calm we all experience anger at some point in our lives. It is a natural human emotion and one that we have to learn to control as we get older, for some, this comes easily and for others it is more challenging. For our teens, anger is a very common emotion.

When we look at the developing teenage brain it is going through two changes that may cause anger to increase. Firstly, the brain is rapidly building new connections, building on those that existed already and strengthening those skills that the teen wants to pursue. Anger can arise from this feeling because the brain is changing so quickly that your teen can feel very conflicted. At this time their brain is learning how to deal with conflict, to make decisions and to empathise and experiencing all these together can be confusing. Secondly, there are hormonal changes during puberty that can make managing usual everyday tasks unbearable for your teen. Let’s consider some good and not so good ways of dealing with anger with your teen.

Scenario

Jaspreet has been asked to clean her bedroom but at the moment she is doing her homework and is worried about a relationship with her friend. Being asked to clean her room was one step too far for Jaspreet today and she became very cross and shouted at her dad ‘No, I am not cleaning my room!’.

Option A – Fighting fire with fire

You could respond by shouting at your teen and telling them that you know best and that they must do as they are told. Chances are, they might flip their lid even more and it will take even longer for them to calm down and to adhere to your request.

Option B – Fight fire with choice

Alternatively, you could give your teen the option to spend some time calming down and ask them to come back to you when they feel calm to discuss this issue. Usually, they will reflect and rationalise the situation for themselves and then come and see you to work things out. If they don’t then you should return and ask them to talk, remain calm as your calm will help them feel calm.

It is important to remember that their teenage brain does not develop full reasoning until 25 years old, they’ll need some guidance and managing their anger too. This video can help you to understand this – Click here.

Most importantly, when dealing with anger it is good to emotionally coach your teen, let them know the things that make you angry, how do you feel, how does your body respond and what helps you. By doing this they will be more likely to learn how to manage their anger better in the future.

Who should you turn to for more help?

• Triple P is a support programme based in Barking and Dagenham, they offer a free course to help with managing anger and behavioural problems at home.
• Young Minds have some useful tips on dealing with anger in young people.
• Very Well Family have 7 useful and practical tips on dealing with anger at home.
• NHS England has a useful page on this topic with links to further help.