What does it mean to feel confused about sexuality & gender?
Confusion can come at any time, but during secondary school your body and mind go through so much change that we can struggle to keep up. This might manifest itself in feeling unable to think clearly about your day-to-day activities, feeling things are out of order in your life or finding you are changing without your say so.
As teens you might feel confused about your sexuality and gender as your body experiences a sudden influx of new hormones. This is a normal feeling and one that we should commit some time to.
Here is a great video that summarises the Pride movement and how it has changed how the world views LGBTQ+ – Click here.
What can I do when I feel this way?
- Write about it – Your teenage years are the perfect time to write a diary, sometimes we have thoughts that we simply would not like to share with anyone else, like, ever! But, our diary is ours, keep it safe and write to it as often as you like. It will help you to hash out those thoughts on paper which in turn makes talking to another human about it easier.
- Talk about it – You’re in the fortunate position at JRCS to be surrounded by 300 other individuals your age going through similar things. It is a good idea to share your thoughts with them because, chances are, they’re feeling the same way. You could talk to someone at home or to us, JRCS staff, we were teens once too!
- Research it – It is easy to sit and worry about a change that has happened that has made us confused, but the world wide web is at your fingertips! So, Google it. You might find out some useful things that you can support your friends with too.
- Educate Yourself – One of the easiest things to do when confused is hide away and hope that the feelings work themselves out before we really need to get involved. Instead, educating yourself can bring clarity and help you to stop feeling out of sorts. For example, check this glossary of terms relating to sex/gender identity, there is so much to learn!
Ally – A (typically) straight person who supports a member of the LGBT community.
Bi – An umbrella term for those who have romantic feelings to more than one gender.
Cisgender – This is someone who identifies with the same gender that they were assigned at birth.
Gay – Refers to a man who has a sexual orientation towards men, but also a generic term for lesbian/gay sexuality.
Gender – Gender is culturally determined and assumed from the sex assigned at birth. This is a choice to make. You may choose to identify as a different gender to that you were assigned at birth.
Gender reassignment – This refers to a person’s transition from one gender to another, this might include medical interventions or name and clothing changes.
Heterosexual – A straight person, a man who is attracted to women and vice versa.
Homosexual – Someone who has romantic feelings towards someone of the same gender.
Homophobia – Fear or dislike of someone based on prejudice views on lesbian, gay or bi people.
Intersex – An individual who has the biological attributes of both sexes.
Lesbian – A woman who has romantic feelings towards women.
Non-binary – A term for those whose gender identity does not sit with either man or woman.
Questioning – Someone in the process of working out their gender identity.
Sex – Assigned to a person based on genitalia, different to gender which can be chosen.
Trans – Explains those whose gender is not the same as the sex they were assigned with at birth.
Who might be able to help?
Despite trying hard to do things yourself, we always need more help sometimes, remember that this is okay, that it is normal, and it is brave to admit as such. See below for some useful links to further support:
- Kooth offers confidential online support for young people aged 11 to 18
- Flipside is a charity providing a safe space for everyone, including those who currently questioning their gender or sexuality. You can email Alex (Alexandra.perry@lbbd.gov.uk) or Grace: (grace.kihu@lbbd.gov.uk) who can offer further guidance and direct you to more support
- Stonewall has a fantastic website full of advice and information to read through
- The LGBT Foundation – For advice and support on all maters LGBTQ+, call 0345 330 30 30 or go to their website
- Togetherall is a community of members who talk openly about their worries, helping each other by sharing what’s troubling them in a safe and anonymous environment with trained guides
- Young minds is a fantastic website full of useful information on a range of issues